the audacity to be optimistic

I am going to have the audacity to be optimistic right now. I have the audacity to be optimistic because i can. I have the audacity to be optimistic because there is nothing standing in the way of my having a positive attitude at this point. And what's more... I can do this. I need not be afraid of anything at this point because there is no reason to be afraid. All of this is meaningless. All of this is pointless and without reason. I am not afraid of this. I am not afraid of myself. I am not afraid of the world.

I keep trying to choose safety and safety is boring and not my cup of tea. Then I wonder why I feel bored and apathetic with all the fiber in my diet, and what with my being surrounded by the anti oxidant cult and their healthier than thou approach. And it's been so long since I've written anything, done anything creative beyond the stacking of rocks. I've got a pile of them sitting on my desk right now, carefully placed together so that they fit in such a way that they are a unit. Their weight and their interlocking, interdependence make them sturdier and more difficult to move than they would be on their own. Now all that's left for me to do is schedule my editor, and scan my time sheets. This is all so bullshitty it's unbelievable. But apparently that's how these things are destined to proceed. I will get better at this. I will get faster and happier and get to a point where I am satisfied with things on a whole different level than I am right now.

There is no reason to be afraid.

Soon I will be left to my own devices... my own creativity and ability to make things happen and then we'll see who's good enough, smart enough and capable enough of making this into a winning enterprise and being the captain of her own ship.