I haven't been writing. I know better than to do that to myself. I know what can build up in me when I don't write. I know what I miss and what I love. In dreams begin responsibilities Delmore Schwartz inspired Lou Reed. I am sitting on the couch in SF watching it, just feeling small and tired. Just feeling incredulous that the Haiti marathon is playing on every channel in every other city but nowhere in SF at least not on basic cable.
I kind of want to buy the Lou Reed documentary it's inspiring just like the Patty Smith documentary. I have so much work to do. I am so nervous about the end of the year and reality hitting but I have to believe it will work. I have to believe that everything will work out and I'll get the right job and I'll pay back my loans and Stacey and I will be ok. Its like an existential thing. It's like my whole life is coming back into focus it's not just a fog anymore. And there are things I want to do and there's no excuse for having them on hold anymore. Holy what?
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