HOW TO DRIVE IN LOS ANGELES
why there is job security on the trauma units in LA
You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is L A, with the
accent on the second syllable: (el AY).
The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour
is from noon to 7:00 p.m. EXCEPTION: Friday's rush hour starts late morning on
Thursday.
The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 miles per hour. On the 105 or
110, match your speed to the highway number. Anything less is considered
"Wussy".
Forget traffic rules you learned elsewhere. LA has its own version. For example,
at a four-way stop the car or truck with the loudest muffler goes first; those with
the biggest tires go second. EXCEPTION: All SUV-driving, phone-talking moms
always have the right-of-way.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out, and
possibly shot.
Never honk at anyone, Ever. Seriously. Or you'll be looking down the muzzle of
someone's handy highway helper.
Road construction is permanent and continuous throughout LA and Orange counties.
Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle
of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.
Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels,
cones, celebrities, rubberneckers, shredded tires, cell phone, deer and other
road kill, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.
Map Quest does not work here. None of the roads are where they say they are
or go where they say they do, and all the freeway off- and on-ramps are relocated
each night.
If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder and
immediately let them know it has been "accidentally activated."
If you are in the left lane only driving 70 in a 55-65 mile per hour
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly.
If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
Do not try to estimate travel time. Just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday
appointments; by noon Thursday for Friday appointments; and right after church
on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.
