douchebaggery

I went to a bar downtown--- a yuppie bar. I went there to see an old friend. I had to pause before I went in because there was nothing good about this bar. This was not a comforting dive bar. This wasn't a place to just go and have a beer and relax. This was something completely different.

This was a douchebar. And along with one of the hairstylists, I was the only lesbian there. I should have gotten my haircut. It was a place where rich men go to get their haircut and have a drink. It's called the Mr. bar which sounds like it would be equally suited older gay men.

It was disconcerting being there. It was very disconcerting and it was the same neighborhood I had gone to for the focus group. The neighborhood where I last saw the straight girl I went on four dates with in college. The neighborhood that always makes me suck in my gut and stand up tall and act like a douche. Because there is nothing worse than being surrounded by douches and reminding them of their douchieness.

When I left the bar I made three calls. Luckilly Burger answered. I described the situation, and she said, "Yeah I've had that happen before too. Then I just remind myself that I don't like lawyers and douchebags, and its normal not to vibe with people like that."

"Thanks B. I needed that. I was starting to feel like I was the douchebag."

"I never thought you were a douchebag."

"Yeah. It was just unsettling you know?"

As I'm writing this I'm reminded of the All American resentment of elites. I think what it stems from is the feeling of inadequacy we're subjected to as human beings when we are confronted with people who for reasons of pedigree are privilleged in ways we could only imagine. But as I am typing this from my living room, I can honestly say that tomorrow I won't remember a thing about any of this. Because it is insignificant and I'm adhering to John Waters Rx for success--- I don't have to be around assholes, and I can buy any book I want.