Emptiness

Sadness is a feeling that rushes through you. Not like emptiness which seems much more staticky and directionless. Ambivalence is like a break between feelings for you to catch your breath. I need to get back to the pool. I only went once since Kaia disappeared and I only did 10 laps. I felt guilty being there being able to stay as long as I wanted because I didn't have to come home and walk her before coming back to school. This quarter feels endless, and I am tired of all the work. It seems so stupid and meaningless. I mean obviously the symptoms class is worthwhile but this other shit is bullshit and now I have a goddamned cold. For fucks sake. I bought a broncos shirt today it's retro old school broncos. It's got a cartoon on it by Mike O Keefe. I bought it so I won't have to do laundry for tomorrow. I am so fucking sad right now. I am so goddamned sad.

Yesterday we drove out to COntra Costa SPCA to see if a husky was Kaia--- and it wasn't.

Today we drove out to Tracy SPCA to see if a husky was Kaia and it wasn't.

I want her to come home because I miss her. I want her to come home because everything seems sad without her. I want her to come home so I can treat her like a princess and feel like myself again.

Whoever took her is a goddamned monster.