salt water

So did I write about the dream my father in law filled a room in his house with salt water and huge tropical fish. I dreamt I was looking in the window and admiring the beautiful fish when Stacey's little sister snuck up behind be and was like yeah it's pretty but now how are you going to get all your stuff out. And I thought about my clothes and my stethoscope and my books everything I own being shut off from me and efficiently destroyed by the salt water tank that I had no way of entering. I was furious.

I told Stacey about the dream because I couldn't make sense of it. She told me that was a weird dream and we went about the rest of our weekend, until Stacey's mom called.

Stacey's father is in the hospital after spending Saturday night up vomiting. Apparently he needs to have his gallbladder removed, his liver enzymes are up and he was having fibrillations (Stacey's mom didn't know what kind). He had a quadruple bypass surgery maybe 6 years ago. Jack's a pretty strong guy but he is getting older and he does drink a lot and they are keeping him under evaluation for 3 days. So Stacey made flight plans and is going out this weekend. Generally I don't worry about people being in the hospital but after having my Aunt die of lung cancer within 1 week of being told she had PNA I am a little edgy now. I am a little more likely to feel differently about things. A little less likely to take it easy.

I don't think I'm clairyvoyant or pscyhic or any such bullshit but my mind was roaming as it does when it's slow at clinicals and I found myself thinking maybe Jack thought he was swimming with the fishes. Dreams are never that literal though. The only literal part was Stacey's little sister irritating the hell out of me.

I have been going swimming myself lately that's probably the more likely source of the dream. Today I got off clinicals early and drove Kaia to the beach and went for a long walk.

I bumped into Shannon who is now an ICU nurse. Shannon had a wandering eye and was very intense about everything she did on 4D. I realize now she was just as traumatized as I was there. Maybe a little less though because she stuck it out? I have made the pussy argument before and I am letting that go in 2009. I am not going to regret leaving 4D for another year. It was really nice talking with her. She says the ICU is very intense but it's much more manageable because there are people to help and adequate staff ratios.

Kaia played a bit with a little pitbull/boxer puppy called Jackson but she couldn't hang with him too long. He kept trying thought. He was super cute with his boxy black head and spastic puppy energy. Too bad Kaia is 10 now and hurt her paw. She totally would have run circles around him when she was younger or at least played longer.

It was foggy at the ocean and the waves were small and grayish but there were surfers out and a fair number of beach combers. I found a lot of broken sand dollars and a small one that was fairly intact that I brought home. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself while Stace is away. I definitely want to get a pedicure and spend some more time at the beach.

I can't believe tonight is the midway point of the smoking cessation group. Life is crazy like that. Today is May 4th for instance how did that come so quickly? I can do the breast stroke now. Stacey and I are in our 30s. My dad just bought, fixed up and sold a house. Barack Obama is president.

Also I saw several gigantic ravens at the beach they were majestic. Shiny black and bearded and their wingspans broad and graceful. I swear one was walking alongside Kaia and I when we were up near the parking lot and I slowed down to see if he would get closer but he didn't 5 feet away is as close as he would come, big as he was. I couldn't help but think of Carlos Castaneda and the teachings of Don Juan. I definitely want to spend more time at the beach.