What I believe

The book was called Woman in the Body. On the cover was a painting by Picasso from the Tate Museum in London--- a cubist portrait of a woman looking into a mirror and seeing a distorted image of herself. It detailed the embedding of social constructs in Women's healthcare and discussed in detail the historical medicalization of pregnancy in the West. It was the first book I read from cover to cover in ever.

VC was my senior essay advisor. She had studied at UCSC with TM, the professor who had convinced me to study Literature because he made it seem relevant. VC wrote about slave narratives, and it was in her class that I really began to appreciate the symbolic nature of the working poor, in popular culture. Then there was my Culture Theory class--- the class with Michael Demming that confirmed it all--- the class where I read the Prison Notebooks and Stuart Hall. Stuart Hall was the one who first made me ask myself if a life removed from other people and the problems of the world was really the answer.

Ten years later I am studying Pathophysiology at UCSF. I am trying to find my way through the endless maze of apprenticeships which learning advanced practice involves. Each day is different from the one before, each patient is distinct and changes each time you see them, each iteration is unique and yet I am tasked with situating them within the archaic framework of SOAP documentation and presentation. It is like going from multiplication and calculus back to addition. It is a way of disciplining yourself from jumping to conclusions. It is intended to create transparency in charting. Everyone hates it, except of course those people who thrive on it.

There is not much room for creativity here. There is not much room for individuality. This is about repetition and mastery. This is about finding answers and focusing on the science we know, and asking for help when we are out of our depth. I try to empower people when I talk with them. I encourage them to ask for help when they feel out of their depth. I encourage them to take control of their health when they can. I am frustrated by the rush to push people through. If they have to wait to see us. If they have to take time off work to come in and they need medical advice I feel we should have the grace to sit down with them for more than 20 minutes and be present with them.

I hate the fact that there are people who fall through the cracks now. I hate it and I am well aware that there are going to be many more who fall through the cracks in the years to come because our society equates caring for the health needs of those most in need with socialism. I think about the hospital where I used to work and the systematic cutbacks that have been put in place to try and make due with even less, because of our national foreign policy and I think about the election to come with great trepidation.

What if we are in Iraq for another 100 years? How do we extricate ourselves from Iraq, and recover our economy? What does it mean to be an American in 2008? Who are we as a people? Will I ever enjoy the rights of marriage and equality that I deserve as a human being? These questions are important to me. I don't care how old John McCain is. I do care that he does not value my rights as an American citizen.

In the next four years I will finish this latest phase of my education and I hope that when I do graduate I will be able to work in a more egalitarian health care system which allows me to meaningfully address the needs of my patients as individuals. And I hope that my children will grow up in a more progressive time than I did, with greater opportunity, and more diversity, and open mindedness. I do believe the time is ripe for change, it's been a long time coming.