7 days to go

I called my mom today and she told me my Aunt has metastatic cancer. She starts chemo soon and she's in the hospital. She is my mom's big sister and one of my mom's best friends. She is also one of the kindest women in the world, which is amazing considering she lost a three year old to Leukemia, and was married to a jerk for over 30 years. I told my mom that it was going to take a long time for my Aunt to get well so she needed to get ready for a long wait. I told her there were a lot of things that they can do now to knock cancer out and to try to keep positive. I can't imagine how scared my Aunt must be right now. I am scared to even call her. I feel scared because I know when I hear her voice it will make me cry and that is the last thing she needs right now. I told my parents I would help them fly out there and I'd help with whatever else they need as well--- which now makes me think I shouldn't go back to school in Fall. I don't know.
And its 7 days to the wedding and I am so grateful for Stacey but at the same time I'm in the weirdest head space ever. I hate cancer. I hate not knowing. I hate having to tell patients there's no way to say for certain what will happen with their cancer and having to have that conversation with my Aunt seems particularly difficult. So I am sitting here writing about it trying to focus on the Breakfast Club in Dolores Park tonight. Thinking I will have a good cry tonight and pull it together tomorrow and call her first thing. I am still in shock right now.