Major

So I won a scholarship this year that is going to be life changing. I was in shock when I got the letter and read it twice to be sure I understood and then when it was clear I felt really humbled and stunned. Stacey was like "you're so happy you don't even know what to do with yourself... do you." Her words were like a song in the background. I wasn't really absorbing anything else at the moment. It came at the perfect time as we decided to finally move into a 2 bedroom and had signed the lease literally a day before.

I realized that I don't know how to tell people good news and I didn't want to post it on facebook because I didn't want to seem pompous about it. I mean I'm excited and I'm proud but I know there are some people out there who are no doubt disappointed and will feel much better about whoever got the award once they've gotten over not getting it themselves. I just want to enjoy my moment right now.

There have been major changes in the past two weeks for a lot of friends as well. Most of them are moving. Some of them are grieving. It's life's ups and downs in full flourish. All of these major changes are unsettling challenging all of us to push up against the stasis of how we've been living and re emerge into something new. Quite honestly a week ago felt completely different. I felt totally stuck but for the temporary job I'm starting tomorrow. I really like being a nurse it is very meaningful work--- I totally get that now.

This weekend we went to the academy of sciences and checked out the tropical fish and swamp fish, rainforest birds and butterflies.

The penguin exhibit was my favorite part though. I never realized how good at swimming penguins are. And I never really had the opportunity to watch them take deep breaths before they dove under water. On Saturday I studied them. I saw them just like me pausing for air and then diving back down. I have a theory that most people have an animal counterpart. The way this plays out at the pool is the ancient 90 year old guy with snorkel gear who is very slow (not much slower than me) is like a joyful sea turtle. The snarky ladies in the pool are like those scorpion fish that glide along the bottom. The walruses like to throw their weight around. And I think after seeing them at work I'm absolutely a penguin. It takes some effort for me to get in the water. I'm much better at the 2 step than the breast stroke. I have a long torso and dark brown eyes. Hopefully our new habitat will suit us better. Hopefully the teens I get to work with this year will teach me a lot and I'll get some clinical placements that might lead to full time work. I really want to be successful. I really want to meet or surpass the expectations of the people who have given me this chance.