I said I just write the same things over and over again about how I feel. Then she suggested that I check myself that I notice distorted thoughts as they come up. That grieving one death is enough. That I don't need to catastrophize anything. Its hard feeling this vulnerable and not applying that vulnerability to everyone. I had even applied it to children I haven't had yet. We are all as safe as can be right now. She suggested applying probability to irrational fears, to make it easier to let them go. And that's what I'm trying to do. Even though I don't like statistics.
I am trying to get into the habit of asking myself Are you sure about that? just to try and keep in the right frame of thought. Right Thinking. Right Speech. Right Action.
I know I will be ok. I know Stacey and I have a long happy life ahead of us. I can handle this. I can handle growing older and all the things that come with it. Its just once in awhile a hard lesson comes along and you just have to sit with it, and hang on tight.
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