I am really thankful to be up in Russian River right now. To have been married in a ceremony so beautiful and uniquely our own, to have reunited with my family as though nothing ever happened between us, to be close to a creek where I can mourn properly amid the dragonflies, bees, and various birds. This is my life. And I have decided that its up to me to continue in my aunt's footsteps by leading a spiritually connected life and doing my best to be kind and understanding of others. Life is beautiful. This is unbearably sad but I am buoyant and I know I will bounce back from it changed and moved it has already changed me but I will do my best, am doing my best to let go of the idea of my aunt as a woman and to understand her now as a beautiful spirit a beautiful wonderful being who is now everywhere at once. Who is reconnecting with all of the family and friends who passed on before her. I don't pretend to know what that must feel like. I imagine the human heart is incapable of feeling that deeply that you must pass on to feel it.
As I was praying and chanting along the creek bed I looked up to see what looked like a dandelion seed head rolling along the top of the water. It was beautiful and it made me feel as though she had heard me. I am going to make my life about loving people and helping them to understand each other.
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